What am I training for?

I’m training to never need back surgery again (knock on wood, I'm problem-free since 2024). I'm controlling what I can control, building muscle and stability and hope.

I’m training to be able to lift my 40 lb. toddler and carry him around. Those days are numbered, but I want them to last as long as possible.

I’m training so I have more capacity in my body to help others on their wellness journey. I teach 9+ yoga classes a week and need to be able to keep my energy up for every single one.

I’m training so I have ample muscle mass and bone density to maintain my lifestyle as I age (and I try to see aging as a privilege, not a punishment). I’ve seen how fast mobility can fade and I’m doing what I can to prevent that fate.

And yeah, I’m training to look a little better in my yoga pants. I do professionally have to bend over in front of people after all.

A student asked me recently what I’m training for. It was hard to answer in the moment because it’s all of the above. And more.

Some days it’s a grind and I have to rely on one of the reasons from the above list to keep me going. Things hurt, my energy crashes, my cycle is all over the place, I get headaches. Every week is different, and I do get frustrated. On my worst days, that frustration gets the best of me. On my best days, I keep going anyway.

The wins aren't what I expected, honestly. My husband and I recently had to take said toddler to the ER, and I was able to stand holding him on me while we waited what seemed like forever for staff to check us in (it was probably 5 minutes). I am getting closer to regaining my single-leg splits at age 45 while working with a group of adolescent figure skaters. Praise hands for my hip flexor strength! I can go to the gym with my 12-year-old daughter and actually enjoy the workout with her -- it's genuinely fun, we get in a lot of laughs, and I'm able to set an example I'm proud of.

It's NOT the visual changes in my body, which were the real reasons I started working out with a trainer in the first place. Loud shout-out to the goddess Clare Moran who has put in TWO YEARS training me. Those visual changes are rad, but they don't keep me going because revolving around aesthetics in the perimenopausal years has actually become a bottomless pit of perfection-chasing. Don't worry, my therapist knows all about it.

That back surgery in 2024 felt like a turning point for me, but it was probably the pregnancy at age 41 that precipitated the need for back surgery. I came out of that pregnancy with a miracle of a son we had so desperately wanted AND three bulging discs in my lumbar spine. During the recovery from discectomy surgery, I finally decided to quit toying with the idea of becoming a yoga teacher and actually signed up for training. And it was the desire to teach yoga that led me to walk into the gym where I've now trained for two years.

All I can do is work with the body I have as I pursue this calling of helping others heal. Yogic principles are hard at work here: ahimsa (non-violence in actions, thoughts, and words, even towards oneself), santosha (contentment and peace), and tapas (devotion, passion, and self-discipline).

What keeps you going? And what are you working toward? I’d love to hear your goals, even if it's wanting to look better in leggings. No shame here ever!